My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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