Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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