oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
