I accidentally had phone sex last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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