even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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