last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
