just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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