Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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