I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize