you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
