I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
