When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
