Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
