glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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