It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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