So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
