he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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