Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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