Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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