Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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