btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
