did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
