Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
