I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize