Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
