did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
