Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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