You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
