so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were trust falling into bushes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
