Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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