I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
