Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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