OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
