i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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