i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
