; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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