you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
