i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
