it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
