Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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