Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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