I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
