I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They are going to name an STD after you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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