so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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