Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
