i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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