Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude i'm inner monologue high
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
