I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
