Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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