never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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