When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
