You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize