how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
