bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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