How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
