My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Life is so much better after having sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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