I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize