Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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