they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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