I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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