Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
