we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
