Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
