found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
