I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
