Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
