i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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