I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
