U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Vodka?
Forever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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