come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
