I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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