at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
