paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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