last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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