I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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