Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
