this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
